The Public Toilet System…
Public toilets have always disgusted me… People pissing on the floors, saliva in the soap, the threat of excrement being smeared on the toilet roll… the list goes on really.
When holding it in is no longer an option, one must have a system in order to tackle the complications and issues that arise within the public restroom.
Step 1) Upon entering, always open the door using your elbow (which must be covered by your sleeve)
Step 2) Scan the room for anyone using the urinal(s)/floor… If so, head straight for the cubical.
Step 3) Always kick the door of the cubical open to avoid touching it with your hand (where everyone else has touched)
Step 4) If you must, raise the toilet seat using the very tip of your shoe (as suggested by Supersimbo)… but let’s face it, who really sits there? Certainly not me, so that means nobody else will either.
Step 5) Go about your business ONLY when you’re certain no one else is listening for the sound of urine splashing the potentially filthy toilet water over your clothes.
Step 6) Grab some toilet roll (that means a lot)… unlock the door making sure to not let your skin touch the door handle, only the toilet roll.
Step 7) With that same piece of toilet roll, flush the toilet and chuck it down there before it stops flushing. Proceed to open the door with your foot again.
Step 8) Turn on the warm tap using your elbow and wash only with water… don’t use soap (there could be spit in it)
Step 9) If the dryer comes on automatically, you have no need to touch it! If not, once again, use your elbow.
Step 10) Wait patiently for someone to either leave or enter the restroom to avoid touching the door. With some practice, this can be timed perfectly.
