Early Morning…
…It’s a time I’ve become used to. Not because I’m an ‘early bird’ but because I can’t seem to fall asleep before midnight. In fact, sometimes I can’t even fall asleep before 6am.
It’s supposedly a ‘cool’ problem to have in life. Many teenagers pride themselves on how late they’ve stayed up and how wrong their sleeping pattern may be. At a time I did too, I thought people would think I’m a really daring kind of guy doing things outside of the social norms by staying up late.
I don’t think it’s cool anymore… I don’t think it’s interesting or attention seeking. It’s problematic.
Sure, It feels great sleeping all day and finally getting 10+ hours of uninterrupted sleep but when it comes Saturday morning and I still haven’t slept before going to work, there’s a clear issue. Some mornings I don’t even drive to work because it wouldn’t be safe to do so.
There comes a point in the middle of the night where the day seems filled with so much promise. After deciding you’re going to skip sleep and stay awake all day, you come up with all these brilliant ideas of how you’ll fill all of this new time that’s suddenly become available with a split second decision. No more worrying about only getting 4 or 3 or even 2 hours sleep… you’ve beat that worry by deciding to just stay up all day.
Come 10am it feels like your whole world has come crashing down around you… the possibility of those ideas becoming reality slips away minute by minute. The car won’t get washed today, your room won’t get tidied and you certainly won’t shave either. You’ve burned out… all of your energy is gone and all you want now is some sleep.
With Autumn and Winter closing in, this continued cycle of sleeping all day… well, it means i’m going to be living in darkness unless I do something about it. Whenever you are actually living in darkness, every other prospect of your life feels like it’s in darkness. Everything is grey and hopeless.
Right now I’m not sure what I need to turn things around… but if definitely isn’t another cup of coffee.
